Survivor's Guide: The Internet Abyss

So as many of you know, I was deprived of internet for over 24 hours. It was a trying time in which I began to suffer serious withdrawals around the 30-hour mark. Ok, I exaggerate, but I really wanted to check my Twitter…and blog…and everything else.

Thankfully I have just about the best tweeps known to man who RTed my corny pre-scheduled tweets like no tomorrow so that Friday’s blog post didn’t suffer a painful and lonely death.  I also had an epiphany and was able to fix my Facebook like box and add it to the blog just moments after I reconnected to the internet. (See it? Isn’t it pretty?)

It’s beautiful, I know.

ANYway, I thought it’d be fun to create a guide for surviving lack of internet. I’ve titled it…

SURVIVOR’S GUIDE: THE INTERNET ABYSS

Catchy, right? It’s catchy.

So here we go. The brief, and life-saving Survivor’s Guide:

The Internet Abyss is a frightening, dangerous place and must not under any circumstances be entered unprepared. Venturing into such a place without training or tools for survival may cause serious injury or death.

I barely escaped with my own life.

Should you ever find yourself in the abyss, take these steps to ensure you escape unharmed.

DON’T PANIC. I know it’s terrifying. The little red “X” over the internet access symbol is enough to send even the most experienced veterans into cardiac arrest. Take a deep breath and know that this is temporary. Breathe in, breathe out, relax.

Repeat after me: This is only temporary. This is only temporary.

SHINY DISTRACTIONS. FIND THEM. My shiny distraction was a brainstorming notebook. Once I regulated my breathing, I found a pencil and began sketching out a WIP. I didn’t finish, but I made a lot of progress. You can too.

Other productive distractions: Books, Microsoft Word, bills, grocery shopping, NOTEBOOKS, to-do list, books. Prioritize as you wish (but books are there twice for a reason).

Other (less productive) distractions (but equally shiny): Movies, cupcakes, music, ferrets, confetti, puppies, video games and that song that’s been stuck in your head all day (Arabian Nights, anyone? No? Ok, just me then.)

GET A BUDDY. Strange things happen to people when they’re isolated. They start pacing, rocking back and forth, talking to themselves and occasionally even find an old volleyball to be their new best friend. Don’t enter the Internet Abyss alone if you can help it. Your mental health may suffer.

UPON ESCAPE…REJOICE! And create your own Survivor’s Guide. So, you know, your friends don’t suffer the same fate as you.

Oh yes. And since you have internet now, watch this because it’s pretty hysterical:

Have you entered the Internet Abyss? What survival tips do you have?